How Self-Preservation Erodes Trust in Leadership

If there’s one thing that erodes trust faster than anything else, it’s self-preservation.

We build walls—quietly, instinctively—trying to protect ourselves. And in doing so, we cut ourselves off from the very relationships we need to lead well.

Recently, one of my XCore participants shared a story about broken trust between them and a team member.

Both had retreated into self-preservation.

Both were waiting for the other to make the first move.

But when they had the courage to have an honest conversation, to name the walls and begin to take them down, something powerful happened: Trust began to rebuild. Slowly. But surely.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

Trust isn’t built on strategy. It’s built on self-awareness.

We use a simple tool to diagnose what’s really going on. Ask yourself:

1. What am I trying to protect?

2. What am I afraid of losing?

3. What am I trying to hide?

When leaders get honest with themselves, they stop reacting and start leading.

Trust isn’t rebuilt overnight.

But it can be rebuilt, with humility, consistency, and courage.

What’s one small step you could take this week to lower your own walls?